losing ground...

I know he has asked, how it felt to be shared, and I said I didn't like it... But I still fantasize about the night with him and his best friend... And I told him I didn't want to be with another woman, but I still fantasize about *her* the night I met her, and could have experienced her...
I hope that those experiences come around again, and this time I will not listen to the "bitch" in my head telling me how terrible I am, and spouting bible verses...
there are so many things I want to experience that *she* tries to keep me away from...I just need to learn to tune *her* out...
I hate living a life that is not conducive to the real person I am inside...